So, I am wondering if I haven't made a mistake.  I'm just so frustrated.  You know, I had some problems with life in Alaska.  I know I did, and this blog contains proof of that.  But if I had known the amount of stress and bullshit that this firm would entail, I'm not sure if I would have left.  I just cannot get ahead.  I just can't.  I work seven days a week, often 12 hours a day.  We get amazing results.  God it's incredible how many people we save.  Yet there is so much government bullshit that just eats me alive.   Everytime it looks like there might be a little left over there is a new bill.  Some new tax or regulation or expense that leaves me with nothing.  I recently lost our health insurance for the family because it got too expensive under the "Affordable Care Act".  I have no savings or retirement.  I live in a rental and my rent is going up substantially in August.  But housing is so expensive here that I can't see ever being able to afford a house.  And every month that goes by, I owe Jeremy another $4000.   We have some big cases pending that were supposed to change everything but there is so much debt now all it might do it make me even.  I would feel better if I was living high on the hog but there is no money for anything.  Yes, yes, I know I am bitching. But here's the rub. I was broke as hell in Alaska. But at least I loved the place. I don't love California. I came down here for a meat run to make some money. I was so naive. I just didn't think about how much the State would take. Real property tax. Worker's Compensation. Bar dues. MCLE fees. Personal property tax. Income tax. Sales tax. Malpractice insurance. Vehicle insurance and registration. Payroll tax. It goes on and on. I am just do disappointed in myself. There is nothing left to do. I am completely trapped. I owe too much and have no money. I feel like I have completely screwed up my life.


Anonymous said…
Ok. I've been following your blog for years. Admittingly entertaining, informational and enlightening. However, I have often wondered why you can't see the futility of the unwise endeavor you always seem to be about. In short, you frequently give up the largest majority of the happiness and contentment of today in return for the hope of happiness and contentment in the future. Millions upon millions of people world-wide would trade what they have for the mere chance to have what you have now. Sure you "might" have made some different choices along the way that would change where you are at now. But you didn't. Big deal. Smile and move on. Don't trade all of the enjoyment of today for the promise of tomorrow. Do what brings happiness to you and your family now . . . even if that means you give up the law and pick fruit for your daily sustenance. The only change that is permanent is death and it will come soon enough. And then all of the worry and gnashing of teeth will have been for nothing.

I am older than you. I traded much of my youth doing exactly the kind of fretting you are doing. I have gained nothing worthwhile from it. Even if I am better off financially now as a result of my worrying, working, planning and second-guessing it allows me to do nothing more than sit around and wish that the kids were young and still at home so I could spend some more time with them. Or to think about how I wish health was not an issue when I daydream of hiking/climbing Denali.

Be at peace. You are ok. Debt means nothing. Food (even if its beans three times a day), shelter (even if it's hand built shanty that keeps you warm and dry), family and the ability to enjoy them is all you need for a good existence. Everything else is extra if it comes your way and unneccessary if it doesn't. Stay strong.

Your words are both wise and kind. I'll try and do better.
Ramon Johnson said…
It is such a brilliant insight! Supervisory Training

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