So, it is almost a year since I left Alaska.  The last year has been a real struggle.  Emotionally, leaving Alaska along with turning 40 has messed with my heart and my mind.  As well, 'starting' over in my career has been difficult at times.  Financially, I am quite a bit worse off.  My cost of living has about doubled.  Taxes, health insurance, rent and debt payments eat 100% of my income.  100%.  Every drop of gas I burn, is on credit.  Every bite of food.  Every thing the girls need.  The building which was supposed to cost $100,000 and take 6 months, has cost over $150,000 and has been a year.  The front hasn't even been started.  It will be another $150,000 to finish this place.  The civil side of the practice has been far slower than I anticipated.  It has meant that I have to scrape together every dollar from criminal law just to keep going.  It isn't enough.  My debt has exploded in the last year.  The things that I loved to do in Alaska just haven't been done here.  I haven't gone camping with the kids.  Fishing.  I miss that part of my life horribly.  Nothing has changed...I know I am being a romantic fool.  But I find myself a year later broke.  I was broke in Alaska too, but at least I was in a place I loved.  I guess what I am looking forward to is the sense, one day, that every damned decision I make isn't the wrong one.  I know my potential here is great.  But I guess, for the first time since arriving, I wonder how to get from the place I am to the place I thought I would be.  I'm good at what I do.  Yet I own nothing but debt.  I have nothing saved for retirement.  I live on credit cards.  I hate feeling this way.  Always waiting for something better.  Always wondering if I made the right choice.  Why the hell does my life have to be dictated by Federal Reserve Notes?  I work hard.  I get good results.  I save people from themselves and the State every day.  What will it take to have a heart at ease?  I want to write about great I feel.  How a lifetime of hard work has lead to great adventure and a life at peace.  There is nothing to do but keep going......
   



Comments

Anonymous said…
Your buddy Gullufsen got his ticket to practice law punched for 18 months.
Anonymous said…
cry me a noatak river...
Ah, the Noatak. One of my favorite rivers.

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