So happy Birthday Kadee! 6 already. Wow. And my what an amazing child you have grown into. My only regret so far is not being able to give you everything I want to. Sometimes, I admit, all 3 kids in a 960 square foot house drives me nuts. I am not a perfect Dad. But you mean the world to me and I will do everything I can for you. I hope you always remember your 6th birthday in Maui. I expect that big changes are coming to our lives. I love Alaska but I know now more than ever that is a dead end for us. As I sit here about to board the plane home, I feel like Andy Dufresne after he came out of the hole that last time. As he slumped against that wall he decided right there that he HAD to change his life. Get busy living, or get busy dying. I have applied for another job that is woefully inadequate but could make our lives so much better. It's not too much to ask to come to Maui more often. It's not too much to ask that my 6 year has a pony. That we live in a house where everyone has a bedroom. That we are not driving an 8 year old car. AJ LOVED swimming in the ocean. Despite the warmth of the water, she stayed in until her lips were blue and I made her get out. I want her to have everything that she can.  I want them all to have everything I can give them.  This may seem like a strange post as I sit in Maui and drink a beer. An amazing ten days precedes this post. I guess it is what awaits us. A tiny house. A messy break-up. Debt. No ability to get Green cards or have extra money. Our social network back in Alaska is a joke.  Loneliness and boredom.  I don't why my feelings have changed so dramatically. I don't mean to sound negative. I'm not. I am an incredibly lucky man. I guess this trip to Maui was a mixed blessing. It made me realize how much I have and it made me realize how much I want.  Anyways, none of this is new.  It is just that being in a place so amazing makes me realize that I have made some terrible choices.  I can only hope that there is time to fix them.  I want ALL of my kids to have a birthday in Hawaii.  I will post more pictures and thoughts when I get home.  But enough.  Time to get busy living or busy dying.  I have my shoes and my rope and my bag.  I am going for it.  Now.  


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