So, happy birthday AJ!  4 already.  God I love you.  My only regret is that this will be your last birthday in Alaska.  You won't remember this place.  If you ever see me mention Alaska and just burst into tears, forgive me.  I will always remember the place you came into my life.  You had a good day.  You got all your dinosaur stuff.  We went for a Dairy Queen burger.  It was a beautiful, clear Alaska day.  It made me ache for things that can't be.  But you deserve so much more than I can give you right now.  You deserve everything you want.  I am convinced that the future of America is dark.  It may be that I can give you is mere survival.  But, if I am wrong, I want you to have a better life than I had.  To never want for a thing.  I don't give a shit what the world says.  Work sucks.  I hope you spend every single day of your life exactly how you want.  I will do all I can to make that happen for you.  You are an amazing girl....of course I say that because you are the most like me.  Our view?  The world can suck it.  My only wish?  That I can spend every moment I can with you.  That I leave you a strong woman.  Proud of yourself.  You are beautiful and amazing.  Just know that what I do, I do for you and your sisters.  If you ever see me in tears, know that I am sad for my youth.  Alaska.  For when you turned four and I ached for the passage of time.  For in a few months we sail for a new life.  I will risk all I have so that you never have to worry about a thing.  You  girls are my life.  And wherever you are....that is my home.  Happy birthday my love.     


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