So, last night I was looking at an old book I own called simply "Barns". It made me hungry for something different. I miss the smell of horses. I miss the creak of a saddle. I miss it a lot. I don't know why I am writing this post. But I feel like I am on the verge of another life change. I don't know how or why. Perhaps it is the realization that J is not happy here. Perhaps it is just a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence. But I am pushing 40 and this is not how I imagined my life. I miss pushing a cowboy hat on in the morning and it feeling natural. I guess we'll see about it. I have a plan to make things better. If it falls through, I am going to make some big changes. What good does a boat do in the yard? Life is short.

Time to make sourdough.


Gloria said…
Sounds like you are yearning for the Midwest, with its gorgeous autumns and lovely old farmsteads. Though I had longed to move to Alaska and return to PD work, I didn't manage the move to Alaska. I did manage the return to PD work, however, and for that I am thankful.

I've always lived in the Midwest, but I've always dreamed of Alaska. It isn't that I don't love the beauty here. It is the lure of the different. Seeing the Northern Lights, actually seeing the start of the Iditarod, teaching my dogs to mush .... But what I have is hot, humid summers in which gardens thrive, springs and autumns of rich beauty, and comparatively short winters with rarely enough snow to make for great winter sports, but sometimes enough for snowshoeing or skijoring.

Try to enjoy the adventure for now. Remember that all we have is NOW. Live in the present, and savor whatever good it may offer. Plans for the future are great, but don't neglect the present, for it is a gift. :)
J said…
The girls love looking through my old photos of California, the great scenery, the wonderful animals we had and the happy times they see their Dad and I having.
It is so easy to look back and romanticize a certian place or person but nothing in life is that clear cut and perfect.
I must admit I feel jaded here almost like I have aged being in Ak.
This place is not for everyone.
B has had "wonderful experiences" since moving here where as mine are almost the opposite.
I wish I could be as happy here as B and will have to learn to be.

No matter where I am, seeing my girls laugh, play and having fun, that will always make me thankful and content.

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