So, I have a confession to make. I am thinking of leaving Alaska. Truly. I don't want to go. I don't know where we would go. I don't know how. And it isn't just because it is March and we got another 3 or 4 inches of snow today. It isn't just losing a big trial. It is a lot of reasons. First, the wife hates it here. Hates it. She'll be mad at me for telling the world this, but so be it. I guess that is reason enough. But there is more. I miss things living here. I miss owning a horse. Could I do it here? Sure, if I want to pay $600 a ton (or more) for hay. Imagine that times 2 or 3 horses x 8 months of winter and not enough land to let them graze anyways? I miss gardens. Fruit trees. I miss Spring. Makes me think of the trapper in Jeremiah Johnson. "March is a green,muddy month down below. Some folks like it. Farmers mostly". Funny. The whole reason I went to law school was to earn enough to have a farm one day. Can it be done here? I suppose. There are other reasons too. Maybe I just need to stop looking at seed catalogs. Maybe I invested too much of myself in that last trial. I didn't even know I dropped my head until I saw the photo. Maybe I just need to drink myself through March and April...months I should be out in my garden. I don't know. I probably won't go. But I have started in one corner of the house. I ripped up carpet. Am painting...laying new flooring. Thinking of calling a realtor.....I don't want to move backwards again. But I miss the green. Growing things. A wife whose face doesn't fall when she looks outside the window. Losing a trial and riding my horse. I have a picture of Winston Churchill above my desk. I think of his words...There is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a man. It may be time to go. I know myself. And I know how I feel right now. It may be time to go.

Comments

Justin T. said…
Don't forget the central theme of Jeremiah Johnson though, which is that even though it's difficult and frustrating, living a life off the land in the mountains is truly the greatest existence.

Also, you need to start growin dope, get your life back together.
Maybe it would be cheaper to build an attached greenhouse. Keep it full of greens and warmth all year.
josh said…
yeah just put it in the basement
Ha ha Josh. I want to make me happier....not you. I have learned one thing: never make any life decisions in March or April. Just don't even think about life for 60 days. Because everytime I do, in March or April, I want to leave. Be out of here. Somewhere warm and green. Not a foot of F%$%$^ NEW snow.
rosie said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
rosie said…
This is just March talking.

To remind you of how much you love Alaska: October 2006, April 2008, July 2008, and February 2007.
Anonymous said…
I've been considering leaving Alaska as well, for a multitude of reasons, so you aren't alone. Think of how much lower the cost of living will be in the lower 48. No more struggling from paycheck to paycheck. You should apply to a few jobs and see how that pans out. You can always turn them down.
toytrkman said…
Ah, that even happens here in Montana, just when the snow is all gone you get dumped on as winter gives one last great try at hanging on. Where I live, I'm up higher than alot of the surrounding areas. So I go to town and the snow is gone, trees are budding, some are even mowing some grass. But here at home the snow is still hanging on. A few summers ago we had a very late spring and ended up with a 6 inch snow in JUNE! Talk about depressing! Every year at this time I think about moving down to a lower elevation but I know that come summer I'll be very happy to be up in the highlands with its 40 degree nights to cool the house off after a 90 degree day. Doesn't do that in the lowlands. As you said, don't make decisions on March or April. Your emotions are probably all completely drained after the trial, give it some time before deciding. Good Day!
Yeah...just March. A foot of new snow. Blowing hard. Argh.
Gloria said…
Only you and your wife can make the decision, but happy spouses make for happier lives. :)

I can well understand missing a garden and horses. I love both. If I move to Alaska, the horses would have to come along, and I'd have to figure out how to garden in USDA Zones 2 or 3 (or where ever I landed).

I know the pain of losing a trial you deeply believe in. My sympathies.

Give it some time. Talk it over.

Best wishes!
tiny tim said…
Can you really think of another agency for whom you'd want to work? And do you know another job that you would believe in as much as this one? Regardless, the job market may make this decision for you.
Anonymous said…
AGAIN, GOOD RIDDENS!
Anonymous said…
Well Ben, as you know, I left Kenai Alaska 1 year and 3 months ago due to a wife. I miss Alaska, esp. from July to September...not so much now. Costs are less down in the '48, but so is the pay. I have started a nice garden, and things are budding. Starting over yet again, esp. at the height of the financial panic, was not fun. Still recovering in fact. But I have a job and own a home on some acreage (glad I bought all that gold and silver in Alaska when it was still cheap!). Was it the right decision to leave???? I still can't answer that question. But my home life is somewhat better b/c the wife does not get that wild-eyed depressed look....as much. Miss hanging out with you. I have suffered from losing my Alaska friends...now I really don't have any. my fault i know.....it gets harder and harder as you get older.
Anonymous said…
How long have you been a PD in Alaska? I'm a 3L, looking to apply to the Civil PD department.

Any input?? Would be much appreciated!!!

evian.white@gmail.com
Anon: the correct word is 'riddance'. It is hard to take your insults seriously when I have come to the conclusion that you are a total dumbass. Some hints? Drop the all caps. Spell correctly. Be cogent. Attach a name to yourself. Maybe then you can learn to hurt my feelings. AM: It is probably just March talking. Your points are excellent...and ones I have thought about. -10 last night. -10 freaking ten! But going snowmachining tonite and crabbing tomorrow. We'll see if I feel the same!
Anonymous said…
TOO QUOTE A GREAT SONG:
"NAH NAH NAH NAH, NAH NAH NAH NAH, SAY HEY HEY, GOOOODBYYYYYE!" HAHA PIECE OUT HOMESLICE!
I see you didn't learn anything. Sigh.
Gracehoper said…
You might find Idaho to your liking. Lots of hunting and fishing. Snow but not as much. Lots of natural beauty. More northerly than California and much less regulated. Lots of good farmland . . . .

Just a thought.

Kelly
in Moscow and Boise ID

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