So, I have been accused in the last few days of being 'different' since I moved to Alaska. Not different in the retarded way, because that has always been true. But different as a person. I don't know. I saw this picture of Potter Valley California, the place where I met J so many years ago. Was I different? Has Alaska changed me? Have choices I have made changed me? Granted I have made mistakes. Granted I have felt less happy in the last few years than I am used to. I'm not sure if it because this period of having young kids is the hardest in a marriage. Or at least mine so far. J and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage in a few days. Some things to think about. Perhaps it is because I am naturally restless. I went to 13 different schools in 12 years. My father moved my brother and I around constantly. It is hard to be in one place for me. But now I own land. Stuff. I have kids. I have no interest in going back to California. But I would be lying if I didn't feel a pang when I saw this picture today. This was where I first lived when I came to the United States. Where I met my wife. I had a truck, a good dog and a damn good horse. I remember being happy. Maybe I was different. Is it natural to be so restless?

Comments

ken said…
My friend, you and I are mutually burdened with this 'affliction.' As you, I was moved frequently as a kid. No matter how I have tried to change as an adult and settle down, I just can't seem to do it. Already my eye is wandering around the country, if fact, around the world. I always strive to be comfortable with who I am....yet the change is hard on family, career, and tangible life 'achievements' (ala property).
Anonymous said…
I agree, Ben and Ken. It is hard to settle down. However, I believe I would be happiest on my piece of property doing whatever I want, such as firing shotguns out the window in a drunken frenzy, burning tires so the smoke floats down to the yogi ranch in the valley below, shooting junk with black powder pistols, making moonshine in the middle of the kitchen...that sort of stuff.

g
So I should have stayed in CA?
josh said…
Speaking of photoshop, I thought I recognized the picture you have posted here. The thought passed, but while I was preparing a blueberry smoothie today using Stonyfield yogurt, I realized exactly where this picture came from:
http://www.stonyfield.com/ourproducts/Milk.cfm
Ben, I didn't know you in CA, so I don't know if you have changed. G and J can probably give you plenty of info on that. However, I'm glad you came to Alaska.
Josh, you're right. I knew he photoshopped everything! LOL.
Anonymous said…
Are more of a dick or less of a dick?
Anonymous said…
You should have done America a favor and stayed in Canada! baaahahahaha

g
Anonymous said…
well i dont know anything about you only what you write and lets think about your remarks less happy than you were.. could it be having young children..is it normal to be so restless..has alaska changed me..were you forced to do all this?? you rarely mention your family only when you are moaning i think you should be grateful you have a wife who obviosly loves you so much and is happy to stay behind looking after the children while you are enjoying yourself happy 5th anniversary to you and your wife

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