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Showing posts from November, 2007
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So, I just wanted to show you all our new daughter. If you look carefully you can see her face and her hands. So far, all is well. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about having two children. I can see how it will be more difficult and more expensive. I am worried that it will make J feel even more isolated and will strain our marriage even more. Neverthless, on or around May 5, 2008, she will be here. I am certain that when she arrives all my fears and worries will somehow be magically converted into love. It is quite the mystery. It is also impossible to explain to anyone who does not have a child. I think J and I have decided that she will be our last. We both wanted a boy but 2 is enough. Unlike with Kadee, we are struggling to find just the right name. Anyhow, I have nothing else to report. Rain has come and all our lovely snow has melted away. This weather makes me feel cooped up and antsy. But tonight we are having some friends over and it is my first dinne…
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So, life goes on. We have finally had a good dump of snow and winter activities have begun. However, for me, depression still creeps around the edges. Today at work something happened to me that has not happened for a long time: I simply could not stay. I changed, put on my snowshoes and went for a walk alone in the woods. I have come to realize that my feelings come from many sources and have many reasons.

I have heard from some that I have nothing to complain about. Normally, I would be the first one to chime in on the wagon of criticism. It is not my intent to complain. Merely to document. And perhaps help myself to understand my feelings. I will not and cannot talk about all the reasons I feel the way the do. But I know now that this will take some time to pass. There is no objective solution. No amount of intellectualizing will make this pass. A big part of the way I feel is an almost overwhelming loss of objective. Sometimes when I look ahead all I can see is routine. Drudgery. …
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So, with the falling of the first snow my mood has improved. I have become firm friends with a guy whose dog we watched a while back and we spend almost part of every weekend hunting or fishing together. Most of the time hunting really means driving around in the middle of nowhere drinking beer. Despite all the hype about hunting in Alaska it is not as full of animals everywhere like people think. Bennie is Inupiak and has spent his life hunting and fishing. Good guy and is teaching me a lot about life in Alaska. Like, no matter how cold it gets all he wears is a tank top. Yesterday we chased rabbits through the snow. Didn't see a thing except tracks. But a damn good day. I wish gas wasn't $3.25 a gallon though. It is only going to get worse of course with oil approaching $100 a barrel. I recently read an interesting book about what is going to happen to society if oil ever reaches $200 a barrel. There is going to be a lot of suffering in this country. I am one of the few p…
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So, it appears that I am going to be a dad to another little girl. J had promised not to tell me as I wanted to be surprised. That lasted less than a week before she spilled the beans. Nothing is for sure but the Doctor says the baby is formed enough for him to tell. When I learned I was having a girl the first time I was crushed. Now look at my little monkey. Well I'm glad. To paraphrase Hank Williams Jr, the world needs more girls "raised on shotgun". I just thought I would share this with y'all. As for me, my mood continues to improve, I guess. I'm pretty sure it is not SAD or anything of that nature. I am disappointed with the weather though as it continues to be warm and wet. I feel like I am back in California with the rain. I think I would feel better if it would just snow damnit. Let me start snow-shoeing, ice fishing and all that. I need to find a way to get a snowmachine. That is a sure fire way to cure the blues. Nothing like zooming acros…
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So, I am starting to feel better. 100%? No way. But better. I appreciate all the helpful comments. For me, I find the old standbys are helpful. A black-powder pistol. Killing things. Alcohol. The right music. G breaking my balls and threatening to hurt me bad if I didn't snap out of it. Last night we went to a party. Kadee got to go on a trampoline for the first time and needless to say, she loved it. I got to hang out with some super cool people. Normally I am the life of the party, so it just made me feel better to stand around a campfire, drink whiskey and be obnoxious. I also got to argue with some people who read my blog and think I'm a total whackjob. One person there, who would know, told me all the judges read my blog. Good. Although I never talk about specifics on this blog, maybe they will know how serious I take the concepts of life and liberty that I argue before them everyday (and usually without success). Anyways, like I said, I'm not 100% but a reader …