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Showing posts from 2007
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So, Merry Christmas! I hope everyone everywhere has a good day. Thank you to everyone who sent Kadee gifts.
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So, last night we went over to a friend's place. Did a little snowmachining. Our friend's brother had a Yamaha Rhino so we rallied that thing down on the Kasilof beach. Both J and K got on a snowmachine for the first time and both loved it. Snowmachines are already on the wishlist.

This is the kind of thing that makes so life worth living. Being in the cold and dark being driven around on the beach with a belly full of good food and good whiskey. This was my view for a few hours and it was a few hours too little. I'll write tomorrow with some Christmas pics.

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So, its has been a while. Life goes on. It finally got cold here. Yes, yes G. not Fairbanks cold where it was -44 F this morning but it was a respectable -25 F last night. We are still heating with only wood and let me tell you if you don't get up to stoke the fire when it is 25 below outside, you sure feel it when you get up. Last night I got up twice and the house was still cold this morning. But, the biggest gas bill I have got is $35 so I can live with that. J gets up after I go and makes sure the living room is warm for Kadee. The rest of the house can take all day. Today sucked ass. Monday I was told by the DA that, in her opinion and in the opinion of her office, I was one of the best lawyers on the Kenai Peninsula. It is a long story but today, after a client changed his mind, I had to back out of deal with the DA. She was pissed and threw my earlier acceptance in my face. I wrote back and said that, as a defense attorney, I don't have the luxury of "fee…
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So, just wanted to show you my office. Here, in all its glory, is the Kenai Alaska Public Defender's Office. I'll never be rich. I'll never be famous. But, one day, when my little girls ask "daddy what does it mean to be free?" I'll be able to tell them about this place. The happy times I have spent here. The frustrating times. The down times and the exhilarating times. The coffee drank and the stories told. The proud times and the "God I need to do anything else with my life today" times. To the rest of the world this is just an office. To me, this is where I defend the freedom of the people in one of the most free places left on earth. I am a public defender. In Alaska. And by God, that is what it means to be free.
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So, very, very little news to report. For the first time since starting this blog over 2 years ago, I'm not sure what to write. One new thing is that I enjoyed my trip to Glennallen last weekend so much that I am seriously considering buying this piece of land up there. G and some other guys will split it so it won't be too bad at all. Hell there's no money to do it but I can find $50 a month somewhere. Work continues as always. It is sure great having the correct number of attorneys. It really gives me time to work on my files. The weather still sucks as there is almost no snow and it is barely freezing. The flip side of that is that it is just cold enough to freeze the pipes in the brewery, making that hobby almost impossible to do. I'm supposed to go ice fishing tomorrow but we'll see: the ice is probably not safe. J and Kadee continue to do well and both are growing. We have come up with a preliminary name for our new daughter: Taryn Jaye Adams. I like it but w…
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So, some buddies and I decided to throw our gear in a truck and drive to Glenallen to do some rabbit hunting. G drove down from Fairbanks. You know it really is the moments like that that make life so fun. We tramped around in temperatures ranging from -5 to -15. Saw more rabbit sign than I thought possible. Killed no rabbits as I learned that a dog is almost essential. A couple birds were killed. Music was listened to, beer was drank and I got to drive on what is probably my favorite stretch of highway in the world: the drive between Glenallen and Tok is beyond beautiful.

I would have liked to spend more time with G, but the trip was as fun as hell. Hopefully we will do something like it again, and soon. I'll undoubtedly regret it as a financial decision this month, but in 10 years who will care? For me, I'll always remember the time my friends and I drove into the heart of Alaska. My friends went off and I wandered all alone down a desolate highway in -15. Who could look on t…
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So, I just wanted to show you all our new daughter. If you look carefully you can see her face and her hands. So far, all is well. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about having two children. I can see how it will be more difficult and more expensive. I am worried that it will make J feel even more isolated and will strain our marriage even more. Neverthless, on or around May 5, 2008, she will be here. I am certain that when she arrives all my fears and worries will somehow be magically converted into love. It is quite the mystery. It is also impossible to explain to anyone who does not have a child. I think J and I have decided that she will be our last. We both wanted a boy but 2 is enough. Unlike with Kadee, we are struggling to find just the right name. Anyhow, I have nothing else to report. Rain has come and all our lovely snow has melted away. This weather makes me feel cooped up and antsy. But tonight we are having some friends over and it is my first dinne…
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So, life goes on. We have finally had a good dump of snow and winter activities have begun. However, for me, depression still creeps around the edges. Today at work something happened to me that has not happened for a long time: I simply could not stay. I changed, put on my snowshoes and went for a walk alone in the woods. I have come to realize that my feelings come from many sources and have many reasons.

I have heard from some that I have nothing to complain about. Normally, I would be the first one to chime in on the wagon of criticism. It is not my intent to complain. Merely to document. And perhaps help myself to understand my feelings. I will not and cannot talk about all the reasons I feel the way the do. But I know now that this will take some time to pass. There is no objective solution. No amount of intellectualizing will make this pass. A big part of the way I feel is an almost overwhelming loss of objective. Sometimes when I look ahead all I can see is routine. Drudgery. …
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So, with the falling of the first snow my mood has improved. I have become firm friends with a guy whose dog we watched a while back and we spend almost part of every weekend hunting or fishing together. Most of the time hunting really means driving around in the middle of nowhere drinking beer. Despite all the hype about hunting in Alaska it is not as full of animals everywhere like people think. Bennie is Inupiak and has spent his life hunting and fishing. Good guy and is teaching me a lot about life in Alaska. Like, no matter how cold it gets all he wears is a tank top. Yesterday we chased rabbits through the snow. Didn't see a thing except tracks. But a damn good day. I wish gas wasn't $3.25 a gallon though. It is only going to get worse of course with oil approaching $100 a barrel. I recently read an interesting book about what is going to happen to society if oil ever reaches $200 a barrel. There is going to be a lot of suffering in this country. I am one of the few p…
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So, it appears that I am going to be a dad to another little girl. J had promised not to tell me as I wanted to be surprised. That lasted less than a week before she spilled the beans. Nothing is for sure but the Doctor says the baby is formed enough for him to tell. When I learned I was having a girl the first time I was crushed. Now look at my little monkey. Well I'm glad. To paraphrase Hank Williams Jr, the world needs more girls "raised on shotgun". I just thought I would share this with y'all. As for me, my mood continues to improve, I guess. I'm pretty sure it is not SAD or anything of that nature. I am disappointed with the weather though as it continues to be warm and wet. I feel like I am back in California with the rain. I think I would feel better if it would just snow damnit. Let me start snow-shoeing, ice fishing and all that. I need to find a way to get a snowmachine. That is a sure fire way to cure the blues. Nothing like zooming acros…
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So, I am starting to feel better. 100%? No way. But better. I appreciate all the helpful comments. For me, I find the old standbys are helpful. A black-powder pistol. Killing things. Alcohol. The right music. G breaking my balls and threatening to hurt me bad if I didn't snap out of it. Last night we went to a party. Kadee got to go on a trampoline for the first time and needless to say, she loved it. I got to hang out with some super cool people. Normally I am the life of the party, so it just made me feel better to stand around a campfire, drink whiskey and be obnoxious. I also got to argue with some people who read my blog and think I'm a total whackjob. One person there, who would know, told me all the judges read my blog. Good. Although I never talk about specifics on this blog, maybe they will know how serious I take the concepts of life and liberty that I argue before them everyday (and usually without success). Anyways, like I said, I'm not 100% but a reader …
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So, happy Alaskan Halloween. I had intended this time to talk about my grim vision of the future and about how the choices that we make are sliding us into an ugly future. I still intend to write about that soon. Instead, despite the fact that this is a public forum, I intend instead to write about an intensely personal subject. I do so not for answers or sympathy. I do so with a full understanding the risk that scorn and derision may follow. I guess I do so only with the slim hope that writing about it will help focus my thoughts. Quite simply, I am depressed. I cannot address why. I cannot get around the fact that objectively, there is no reason to feel the way I do. I am where I want to be. Doing what I want. I am generally healthy and happy. I am surrounded by some of the finest people on Earth. I cannot ignore the fact that my feelings impact those around me and my relationships suffer. Yet I cannot shake this feeling. It is like concrete setting around me. It is awful. I am havi…
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So, I'm back. And, as predicted, the most useful part of the conference was meeting many of my fellow attorneys. I am amazed at the ability of the Agency to gather such a fine group of people. I didn't get to meet everyone but I think I was impressed with every one I did meet. I was pleasantly surprised at some of the people I met. Of course seeing old friends was worth its weight in gold. One thing I think the Agency could do is make it a little more about socializing and rallying the troops. If I was in charge I would make it about reminding everyone about what we do: representing the little man. We are charged with the sacred duty of preserving the freedom in one of the most free places left on earth. Making us feel good about what we do would probably be more useful than teaching us substantive law. I did win one award however: the award for representing the "biggest criminal" in Alaska. I sent in a number of Kenai cases. Needless to say even the "losers&quo…
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So, life goes on as it must. That includes a little spruce grouse hunting. Winterizing the boat. Making beer. You know, the usual stuff. Next week I am going to the mandatory 3 day training the Alaska Public Defender Agency puts on each year. This year it is at Alyeska Resort in Girdwood again. To be honest, I look forward to meeting all my fellow attorneys more than the classes. Some will be old friends. Others will be attorneys I only know by phone but am looking forward to meeting. I find I get a better education by telling war stories with other attorneys than by sitting in class. But that is just me. This year I have been designated the unofficial beer maker. What started with the idea I would take up some beer for G and I, has turned into the "Kenai hospitality suite". So I am taking 5 kegs of beer and will share them with the entire Agency it seems. That will give us a chance to talk not only of our success and failures but our bitches too. Like my bitch that I was su…
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So, the cost of life in Alaska grew today. Last night a moose (apparently) kicked my old hound dog in the head. Today, I had to have him put down. That seems calm enough but I wailed like a baby at the vet. There was no way I could do it after all we had been through. Like the time we had a party at Brian's house to save his eye. Charged $100 a plate for a 6 course meal, booze and a jazz band. Dozens of people showed up to save Gromit's eye because a stick was stuck in it and UC Davis wanted $1500 to save it. Like the time the police had to hold him because they were arresting me. Hunting for deer with Steve Cope. The time he rolled in some of Steve Cope's poop when we were hunting and I didn't notice it until after I had started petting him. How he saved the next door neighbors lives when their house caught fire and he woke me up and I had to wake them up (that earned him a prime rib dinner). How I cried when I saw him in California after my mother watched him when I …
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So, it begins! This is the blessed stuff that keeps all the people in California and other similar hell-holes from moving here. Oh God, it is below 80! And other such nonsense. God, I love this weather. I am a cold blooded person and the cold makes me literally giddy. Unfortunately, most of the snow melted today. But it will be back. The cold and the dark are coming. And I love it. Time to hunker down and enjoy hot foods. A fire. A good movie. Whiskey and coke. Time with my little girl. My trial in Homer ended in a mistrial. As a defense lawyer, my favorite word (after "not" guilty, of course) is "mistrial". If I have to try it again, I will do a better job as I know the State's case. I wish I had taken my camera to Homer. If you ever go to Homer you should check out the Lands End Resort (http://lands-end-resort.com/). The view was a amazing and after work I would sit on the deck with a drink and watch humpback whales. The view reminded me of why we are he…
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So, just a quick note. Tomorrow I have to go to Homer to do a felony DUI trial. It'll be the first time since we moved here that I have to leave my family for a week to do a trial. I am not happy. At all. But I have to go. At least the weather is beautiful. Amazing actually. Took the boat out one last time this weekend. I can't wait for next summer, despite the fact that the Oldsmobile 455 sucks back the fuel. I hope this week goes better than last. I had it last week. It did get better when I won a major suppression motion last friday. I am now 2 for 2 on litigated suppression motions. Perhaps the DA will actually learn to respect me. I don't file frivolous motions and I don't run around crying that every client is absolutely innocent. So when I say someone is innocent or that the cops acted illegally, it would be nice if the DA would listen. If not, I'll just have to keep winning! Anyways, I'm going to go spend time with the family before I have to go away. …
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So, here is our new kid. 9 weeks old. Approximately 1 inch long. Already has arms and legs. No wonder I think abortion is wrong. I'm not trying to create a debate here: I realize reasonable
people can disagree on this topic. But for me personally, and only for me, I'm amazed at this little life already. Or maybe I'm just amazed at how much he or she really looks like a little dollar sign already.